ONE WAY TO DEAL WITH ANGER ISSUES
PROVERBS 15:1 NKJV
"A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger."
This is one of those verses that I wish I had started practicing years ago. It would have helped my marriage and parenting tremendously.
A soft answer does not mean a weak answer. It can mean gentle or refined. But a kind, gentle answer can help dial down anger in the one who is listening. On the other hand, a harsh word can stir up anger. Another word for harsh is painful or hurtful.
I imagine all of us have been in situations where painful, hurtful words were used, and they set off a bomb in the interaction. There have been moments where I knew if I responded in a harsh way, proverbially speaking, all hell would break loose. Then, in my ignorance, I just went ahead and said it anyway and had to deal with the consequences.
I believe that there are two applications of this verse. One is the effect of a gentle or harsh answer on the listener. The other application would be the effect a gentle or harsh answer has on us as the speaker. In other words, answering with a good spirit in a prudent way helps us keep our own anger in check. A harsh answer coming from us can stoke the anger inside us.
We hear so much about "letting the anger out," but we fail to recognize that responding in anger does not let it out of us. It lets anger in.
When I was in college, my parents confronted me regarding something I had done that violated their standards. I received the phone call in my apartment at college, but instead of firing back an answer or making excuses, I actually handled the situation with prudence and refinement. I realize that was totally out of character for me, but the effects were profound. Even though my parents were hurt, my apology and taking ownership of my error served to defuse their anger. The situation could have blown sky high, but my answer turned away my parents' wrath.
I only wish that brief moment of surprising wisdom had become the pattern for my life. But Joy can testify that what I did in that moment was a fleeting aberration. My typical response for too many years was harsh words, not soft answers.
But thank God for the ability to change. By God's grace and the Holy Spirit's promptings, I have been able to dial back on the harsh answers. I have not achieved perfection in this area, but growth and improvement have taken place. And the result has been far less arguments and strife in my family. And for a couple who used to consider one argument a day a good day, things have dramatically changed.
If you find yourself having "anger issues," instead of giving in to the feelings of anger, look to control your response. A gentle answer may not uncover the root of the anger, but it can help keep that anger contained.
PRAYER:
Heavenly Father, help me give gentle answers in every situation. Jesus never used harsh words. Instead, He spoke the truth in love. I want to follow His example.
24 Then Joseph, being aroused from sleep, did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took to him his wife, 25 and did not know her till she had brought forth her firstborn Son. And he called His name Jesus.
Some people are well known in the Bible. David, Samson, and Judas come to mind. But in Matthew the first chapter, we find Joseph, a man who may not be well known to us but had to be well thought of by God. Joseph was the one God chose to raise Jesus.
An interesting aside regarding the first chapter of Matthew. This is the chapter that often comes as such a revelation to Jewish people. Many modern-day Jews don't realize how Jewish Jesus is, and the genealogy in this chapter is an eye-opener.
Joseph was the man who was engaged to Mary, the mother of Jesus. And even though Mary had come up with this wild story of an angel appearing to her and that this angel explained that she would be the mother of the Messiah, Joseph still treated Mary with dignity.
I can only imagine how hurt Joseph must have felt. We look back on this story through the lens of knowing what happened. But hearing that his wife-to-be was pregnant and blaming it on the Holy Spirit had to have been heartbreaking. And no one would have blamed Joseph for being extremely angry. Joseph could have moved out of his hurt and taken revenge on Mary.
But the scriptures say that Joseph was a just man. He did not want to publicly ruin Mary, although he could have. Joseph was a man of character and honor.
Joseph was also a man who obeyed God. When the angel appeared to him and informed him of what had happened with Mary, Joseph did not balk at the angel's command and went through with the wedding. And Joseph honored Mary's virginity. We may shrug that off, but that is still quite honorable and respectful on Joseph's part.
Naming the child Jesus was one of the last acts that we see from Joseph. Again, he was willing to obey what God had spoken through the angel. Joseph did not give Jesus a family name, and I am sure people wondered. But Joseph was obviously not motivated by what people thought. He lived by a different standard, a godly standard.
APPLICATION:
Joseph may not be as revered as Mary or as well-known as the disciples, but he is still a great example.
Not exposing the people that hurt us requires maturity and restraint. Our natural tendency is to get back and get even.
Obeying God even when we don't understand everything is another admirable quality. Promoting God's agenda before our own is honorable in His sight. And controlling our fleshly desires out of respect for God is always the right call. Not always the easy call.
Joseph was a class act. He may be under the radar for us, but he was obviously a man approved by God.
PRAYER:
Dear Father, being well known to people is such a temporary thing. Being honored by You carries value for today and eternity. May I purpose to be someone You find honorable.